A topic that we hear a lot about from both men and women is settling. What do I mean by that ? It seems that people get so frustrated from dating just wanting a relationship that they settle for someone who they know isn’t exactly what they are looking for. As an award winning Miami matchmaker talking about settling vs compromise when looking for a relationship is a fairly common conversation we have with clients.
Both men and women think they know what they want in a person when pursuing a relationship. However, we have found in our years of experience that isn’t always the case.
But when it comes to the topic of compromise people seem to have not given that much thought. Or to some, compromise means settling.
What men and women want can be all over the place. Almost without exception, people want someone they are physically attracted to for starters. Here there is probably not much settling or comprising.
Beyond that, it can get somewhat complicated depending if you’re a man or women. This is where our years of experience can be most helpful to clients.
For most women we have worked with, they are usually seeking a man who is financially stable. From there it can be education, funny, good with kids and on and on.
For most men it can be a bit more complex. Men always seem to want the hot woman but they are not as certain after that what they are looking for. It seems that lifestyle and how a woman fits into their life are important.
As an example, if a man is really into sports, he may want a woman who knows her sports. In the case of education and career levels, men may be intimidated by a woman who has more. I’m not saying that this is a superiority thing but one more of comfort.
So, what about the whole settling vs compromising and what are the differences.
In seeking a relationship, the most important things to always remember are what are your deal breakers. Those are things that you will not accept. If you accept what would normally be a deal breaker then for sure you are settling.
Compromise is different. If there are things that you don’t necessarily like but come to the realization someone is great except for a couple of things then these are things you need to talk about and find middle ground, a compromise.
As an example, if you meet someone who has been single for a while, they may have nights they like to go out with friends and you would prefer they stay with you. A compromise might be instead of going out once a week, maybe twice a month will work for both of you. It’s important to avoid the all or nothing ultimatums.
Another lifestyle compromise might be someone likes to sleep with the TV on and you want quiet. A compromise might be to set the timer on the TV to an hour or two so it shuts off automatically after you both fall asleep. This avoids the waking up in the middle to the night to the TV.
You get the idea. This can apply to drinking, eating, etc.
The most important thing is to not settle on deal breakers and always have an open mind to try to work through the little differences.
As an award winning Miami matchmaker talking about settling vs compromise when looking for a relationship is an important topic for all of our clients. As matchmakers we get to know you and coach you on things that will help you learn how to have that perfect relationship.
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